If I Lose Myself (Book 5 in the 'Secrets' Series)
by musicdreams31
Summary: I have lost everything. Chase may have given back my memories, but I need to act like I don't have them back. I discover secrets from my past, my life, and the biggest secret of all, who I love. I thought I didn't love him anymore, I was wrong. Now I have to stay strong. But If I Lose Myself, it won't be good. (Sequel to 'Feel Again')
1. Chapter 1

_Previously in the 'Secrets' Series_

"_Leo hold on! It's almost done!" I yelled. "He has 30 seconds." Bella said. I looked to the computer, 2 minutes left. I grabbed the dagger from my belt. "Let him go, Bella." I told her. "I love how I can hear the fear in your voice," She smirked. "5, 4, 3, 2-" before she could finish I plunged the dagger in the side of her neck. She fell to the ground. I heard a beeping. "The download is finished." Leo told me. I dropped to my knees as I watched her purple streak in her hair turn grey. "Madison?" Leo asked me. I looked up to him. "I-I just killed someone." I told him, tears forming in my eyes._

"_I want you to take it away." I whispered. "Take what away?" He asked me. I looked up at him. "My memories from the past 16 years." I told him. "Madison-" I cut him off. "Mr. Davenport, my life has been hell. My past, the year I've lived here. Just please, use the neuro scrambler and take it all away." I begged. "If I do that, then there's a chance you may never get them back." He told me. "I know, and I can live with that." I replied. "Okay." He said. He got the neuro scrambler from the drawer. "And you're sure?" He asked me. I nodded. Next thing I knew there was a flash._

* * *

><p><strong>Donald's POV<br>**I set the neuro scrambler to 16 years and held it up in front of Madison's face.

"And you're sure?" I asked her. She nodded. I took a deep breath and pressed the button causing a flash to appear in front of her as she looked at the neuro scrambler. She looked at me.

"Who are you?" She asked me.

"My name is Donald Davenport. I'm like a father to you, since yours died before you were born. Your name is Madison Kay Jameson. You're 16 years old and you have a happy past," I could feel the tears stinging at the back of my eyes.

"You were the most popular girl in elementary school and middle school, plus the two months you spent at JPT in South Florida. Your mother, Amber Jameson, moved here for a job offer with Jameson Consolidated. You never dated Chase, you two were the best of friends. Bella and Kalina never existed, neither did Amanda, Douglas, or Krane. You're a bionic superhuman that goes on life saving missions with Adam, Bree, and Chase. You got amnesia from falling down the stairs and hitting your head and your memories may never return." I told her.

"My name is Madison Kay Jameson. I'm 16 years old and have a happy past. I never dated Chase, we were just best friends. I was popular back in Florida. Amber Jameson is my biological mom. My dad died before I was born." She repeated. I nodded.

"Your dad was in the military. He was my best friend. He was killed in combat, saving a family." I told her. She nodded.

"Mr. Davenport, everything is put away and we're cleaned up and changed. Want me to take Maddi home?" Chase asked me.

"Um, no. I got it." I replied.

"He's my best friend," She smiled.

"Can he take me home?" Madison asked me. Chase looked between us, then the neuro scrambler in my hands.

"Mr. Davenport?" Chase asked me.

"Chase, we need to talk." I told him.

* * *

><p><strong>Chase's POV<br>**"You took away her memories?" I yell-whispered.

"She begged me to, Chase. You should've seen the guilt on her face." He replied.

"So you take away today's memories!" I snarled.

"Chase, her past was too dark to handle." He told me.

"What was so dark about her past besides her dad?" I asked him.

"Everything! Madison was bullied physically and verbally. She had a small group of friends she hang out with and that was it. I remember seeing her when she was little," He smiled a little.

"Her eyes used to be filled with the most joy a girl like her could have but, her past was too dark, especially after her dad and killing Bella, her eyes were hollow with guilt. She begged me, Chase." He explained.

"Am I leaving or what?" We heard Maddi ask us. We turned around to face her.

"Um, yeah. Let's go." I replied. As we were walking out I turned around.

"You and I will talk about this later." I whispered to Davenport and walked her to the mansion.

"Thanks for walking me home Chase. I probably wouldn't of known where it was from the amnesia." She laughed.

"Y-yeah." I stuttered.

"Tell me, how close of friends were we?" She asked me as she tilted her head to the side. I love when she does that. She looks like a cute little puppy.

"We were, very close. We would never lie to each other. We would do everything together. Dances, homework, studying, missions. Having the same bionics also helps." I smiled a little. I feel really bad for lying. She nodded.

"It sounds wonderful," She smiled.

"Now I better get inside before Bailey and Brad kick my butt along with Amber." She giggled. I nodded.

"See you at school." I said and walked away.

* * *

><p><strong>Well guys, that was the first chapter of 'If I Lose Myself' I hope Ya'll liked it. Until next chapter ~Kay<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**Madison's POV  
><strong>I walked inside and saw a few people stand up. I'm guessing the blonde one is Amber, the black haired girl is Bailey, the guy is Brad, and I don't know who the girl with the orange hair is.

"Oh thank god you're okay." The girl smiled and hugged me.

"How was it?" Bailey asked me.

"How was what? I just got amnesia." I replied. The girl backed away.

"Amnesia?" Amber asked me. I nodded. Amber and the girl ran out of the mansion.

"What exactly do you remember?" Brad asked me.

"My name is Madison Kay Jameson. I'm 16 years old and have a happy past. I never dated Chase, we were just best friends. I was popular back in Florida. Amber Jameson is my biological mom. My dad died before I was born." I replied.

It was almost like a robotic voice in the back of my head.

Brad and Bailey exchanged looks.

"What?" I asked them. They both shook their heads.

"Why don't you clean up and get to bed. We'll be there in a minute." Bailey said. I nodded and went upstairs.

* * *

><p>As I got out of the shower I could hear them arguing.<p>

"I know my little sister. She did not have a happy past. Brad, she nearly died her second day of middle school." I heard Bailey whisper to him.

"Let her believe it. She's had a rough life and maybe a fresh start is good for her." He replied.

"Last time she wanted a fresh start she got stabbed and bolted to New York." Bailey shot back.

"But she didn't bolt this time, did she? She's safe. The less she knows, the better." He told her.

"Fine." Bailey gave in. I quickly got dressed in my pajamas and opened the door.

* * *

><p>I woke up to the loud, annoying, sound of my purple alarm clock. I showered, got dressed in a purple silk top with ruffles, blue skinny jeans, knee high black high heeled boots, put my hair in a braid down my shoulder, and skateboarded to school. When I arrived I walked to locker number, um, locker number.<p>

"Chase?" I asked.

"Yeah Maddi?" He asked me.

"Which locker is mine?" I asked him.

"531." He replied.

"And the combination?" I asked.

"36 2 36. The same for your band locker." He smiled.

"Thanks you. You're a life saver." I smiled back and looked for locker 531.

* * *

><p>After school I walked home with the Davenports and Leo.<p>

"How was school?" Bree asked me.

"It would've been better if I remembered everything." I laughed. They all nodded, except Chase.

"Chase you've been awfully quiet." Bree said.

"Yeah. I guess I just have a lot on my mind." He replied. She nodded and we all fell silent. When I walked inside I smelled cookies.

"Cookies?" I asked as I threw my stuff down and ran to the kitchen. I saw Amber baking.

"Hey mom." I smiled. Bailey and Brad looked at me when I said that. Mom looked a little surprised.

"H-hey Madison. Do you want a cookie?" She asked me.

"Sure." I shrugged and she handed me one.

"Thanks." I smiled. She nodded and I went to start on my homework.

* * *

><p>Today's Saturday so it's a free day since Mr. Davenport told me I need to 'recover' from the amnesia. I sighed and flipped through the TV channels. I turned off the TV and walked over to my white desk. I opened all of the drawers until one caught my eye. It was under lock and key. I used my molecular kinesis to unlock it. When I heard the little 'click' I opened it up. I saw a bunch of diaries. I started reading through them.<p>

One entry caught my eye.

_Dear Madison,_

_You had begged Mr. Davenport to take away all of your memories. He told you lies. Lies that are the complete opposite of your life. If you find this then that means someone told you or you decided to explore your desk. Either way, you can ask him for your memories back if you want. I hope you get them back because, I still love you. At first, I dated Kalina because I was lonely without you. But then when you came back here it was to get back at you. You had left me so heartbroken, especially after you bolted to NYC. You're life was not what you think it was. In fact, it was the complete opposite. _

_Love,_

_Chase Davenport_

I reread that over and over again.

"No," I whispered.

"I would never want my memories taken away." I tried to convince myself that. I heard someone walk up to my room so I hid the diary behind my back.

"Dinner." Bailey told me. I smiled and nodded. She gave me a weird look then left. I looked back at the diary that had a purple 'M' on the front cover.

* * *

><p>I walked downstairs and sat next to Alli for dinner. Yep, I learned her name at school. It was pretty awkward when no one was talking, so I decided to speak up.<p>

"So how exactly did I fall down the stairs." I asked. Everyone looked up at me and stayed silent. Alli cleared her throat then spoke.

"You and Chase were uh, playing around when you tripped. You fell down the stairs and um, hit your head pretty hard." She tried explaining. I stared at her.

"You're a terrible liar." I told her.

"MADDI!" Mom yelled. I closed my eyes.

"I read the diaries." I blurted out.

"What diaries?" Amber asked me.

"My diaries, from over the years. Chase wrote in one." I replied.

"Honey, those are all filled with lies. our life was amazing before the amnesia and it still is." Amber told me.

"Stop filling my head with lies." I replied.


	3. Chapter 3

**Madison's POV**

"W-were not." Bailey replied. I shook my head.

"Then why did I hear you and Brad talking about me running off to New York City?" I asked her.

"Because, before you were born dad ran off there, right before he went in the military. He said he wanted to live a little before he fights for our country. We were afraid you might do that." She explained, her voice steady. I nodded.

"I'm sorry it's just, this amnesia and the diary entries are getting to me." I replied as I held a hand to my head.

"It's fine, we understand." Alli smiled. I gave her a small smile.

"I think I'm gonna crash early. Night." I smiled. They all said goodnight and went upstairs.

Instead I snuck out the window.

* * *

><p>I knocked on the door to the Davenport mansion.<p>

"Hey." Davenport smiled.

"I need answers." I told him. He let me in.

"What is this about Maddi?" He asked me. I walked down to the lab and accessed the cyber desk. As I scrolled through my file I read everything that has to do with my past.

"What are you doing?" He asked me. I shook my head, but something caught my eyes.

"My birth certificate." I whispered.

"I wouldn't open that if-" He was cut off by my expression.

_Madison Kay Carter_

_Mother __Sophia Ann Carter_

_Father __John James Carter_

_Born May 31, 1999_

I looked up at Mr. Davenport with tears in my eyes.

"I-I'm adopted?" I asked him.

"They asked me not to tell you." He replied. I started walking out.

"Madison please." He begged.

"You lied to me! Did you take away my memories without second thought too?" I asked him. He was speechless.

"That's what I thought." I replied and ran out.

* * *

><p>When I walked in the mansion Alli was the first one to see me crying.<p>

"What happened?" She asked me. Bailey and Amber then walked out.

"You lied to me." I told Bailey. She shook her head.

"No. I would never lie to you." She replied.

"Am I adopted?" I asked her. Alli backed away and Brad looked at her. She hesitated.

"No." She replied simply.

"You hesitated." I replied.

"Yes, you're adopted." Amber told me.

"Why? Why am I adopted?" I asked them.

"They didn't have the funds to raise you. They were just married and your mom's parents wouldn't let her keep you." Bailey told me.

* * *

><p>I knocked on the Davenport Mansion door.<p>

"Maddi." Chase said.

"Can I stay here, for now?" I asked him.

"Yeah, yeah." He nodded and let me in.

"What's wrong?" He asked as he closed the door.

"I saw the diary entry." I blurted out.

"What?" He asked me.

"I saw the diary entry you wrote in my diary. Why would I ever want my memories erased?" I asked him. He looked to the floor.

"Chase! Answer me!" I cried.

"I-I can't tell you. It could cause you to crack, maybe even break, again. It hurt to see you like that." He told me.

"Chase, please." I begged. He nodded.

"You, um, you,"

"Spit it out Chase." I told him.

"You killed someone. Your clone, Isabella." He replied.

"I-I killed someone?" I asked him. He nodded.

"Why?" I asked.

"She was about to kill Leo. It was him or her. You chose to save Leo. You made the right choice." He explained.

"I want my memories back. I need my memories to find out who my parents are." I told him.

"What? Madison, what are you talking about?" He asked me.

"I'm adopted, and everyone hid it from me." I told him. He nodded.

"I can rewire the neuro scrambler to give you back your memories. Come on." He told me.

* * *

><p>I watched as he rewired the neuro scrambler.<p>

"Alright. I think I fixed it." He told me. I nodded. He walked over to the cyber desk, which I was sitting on.

"You sure you want your memories back?" He asked me. I nodded.

"I need answers." I replied. He held the neuro scrambler up in front of my face. I saw the flash and suddenly my life flashed before my eyes.

"Maddi?" Chase asked me. I looked up at him.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chase's POV  
><strong>"Maddi?" I asked her. She looked up at me. Before I knew it she and I were kissing. She pulled away.

"Sorry." She whispered. I pulled her back in and we started making out.

"I see your memories are back." I whispered and smiled.

"Yep." She replied. We heard the ding from the elevator and jumped away from each other.

* * *

><p><strong>Madison's POV<br>**"So, uh, yeah. I will find out all I can about Sophia. I will also try to help you get your memories back. Sorry about the broken neuro scrambler." Chase said. I looked to the floor and saw it had a few broken wires.

"Yeah. Thanks. I better get to sleep." I replied and walked to my capsule. No one can know I have my memories back. I heard Chase and Mr. Davenport talking about the broken neuro scrambler.

"How will she get her memories back now?" Davenport asked him.

"I don't know. But she's the one who said she can live with that choice. It was her decision." Chase told him.

"CHASE! SHE CAN'T GET THEM BACK!" Davenport yelled at him.

"THEN MAYBE YOU SHOULD'VE THOUGHT TWICE!" Chase yelled back.

* * *

><p>About 10 minutes later Chase walked in the main part of the lab again.<p>

"I see that went well." I whispered sarcastically.

"Yeah." He replied and stepped inside his capsule.

"So we have to pretend to hate each other?" I asked him.

"Yeah. We have to find out what else they were hiding, if they were hiding anything else. We also have to make them think you don't have your memories back." He explained. I nodded.

"It's gonna be hard." I replied.

"Which part?" He laughed.

"You know I'm a good actor, but around you, I'm a terrible liar." I smirked. He stepped in my capsule with me.

"What about Adam and Bree?" I whispered.

"Adam and Leo are pulling an all nighter with a pig zombie marathon and Bree's at a sleepover." He replied.

I nodded.

"So we have the whole lab to ourselves?" I asked him.

"We still have Eddy." He laughed.

"One day I'm gonna kill that emoticon with one emotion." I told him. He laughed a little.

"Trust me, I've tried. That thing has like a thousand fail safes." He replied.

"Did the amazing Chase Davenport just estimate?" I teased.

"Oh shut up." He told me.

"Night." I smiled.

"Goodnight Madison." He replied and wrapped his arms around me. For the first time in forever, I feel safer.

* * *

><p>We woke up to a Mission Alert. He jumped out of my capsule as if acting like he wasn't in there. I stepped out of my capsule holding my jaw.<p>

"Dude, I think you dislocated my jaw." I told him. He looked at it.

"Nope, I just elbowed it." He replied. I made a face at him as Adam, Bree, and Leo ran in with Davenport following.

"What's the mission?" Chase asked.

"Particle collider." Davenport said simply.

"Again? I mean sheesh dude, this world should ban them." I replied. They all gave me a confusing look and Chase glared at me.

"Oh! I mean uh, so I've heard." It came out more like a question. Davenport just shook his head.

"Anyways, I need you four to shut it down. Suit up." He told us.

"Nice going amnesia." Chase whispered to me.

"Sorry." I replied and stepped inside my capsule.

When we arrived at the sight Chase and I got to work on the computer.

"Step aside amnesia." He told me.

"Just because I have amnesia doesn't mean I don't remember how to take down a particle collider." I snapped.

"Oh really?" He asked. We started arguing when Bree yelled something. We turned to look at her.

"Nerd 1 and Nerd 2, stop arguing and get to work!" She yelled. We put our hands up in surrender and got back to work. When we finished it I snuck a small smile to Chase.

"Are we done yet? I'm starving." Adam whined. I rolled my eyes.

"Yes, Adam. We're done. Let's go." I replied and grabbed my bag, walking out behind Chase.

Adam and Bree got in the helicopter first, us following.

"You two have been fighting a lot." Adam told Chase and I.

"Nope. Not that much." Chase told him.

"Whatever you say." Adam sang. I saw Bree snicker.

When we walked in the Lab I collapsed in Leo's mission specialist chair.

"Hey, I was sitting there." he pouted.

"There's a stool over there." I smirked. He crossed his arms over his chest. I noticed my file on his desk.

"Leo, why do you have this?" I asked him.

"Oh. Chase and I are trying to find your parents." He replied.

"Seriously?" I asked him. He nodded.

"Thank you. This means so much to me," I smiled and got up.

"So, did you find anything?" I asked curiously.

"Yes, actually. We did." I heard Chase say. The three of us were the only ones still in the Lab.

"Spill." I told him excitedly.

"Okay then. Someone's happy," He laughed.

"Sophia and John live here, in Mission Creek. Here is there address." Chase told me and handed me a piece of paper.

"When can I meet them?" I asked.

"Whenever you want." Leo replied. I quickly hopped in my capsule and programmed it to clean me and dress me. I walked out in my favorite red leather jacket, white strapless top that says 'Life Without Music Would Bb', blue skinny jeans, my knee high black high heeled boots, and put my hair in a braid down my shoulder.

"Let's go." I said.

"Now?" Chase asked me. I nodded.

"I don't know Maddi." He replied.

"Chase, these are my parents." I smiled and kissed his cheek.

"Since when are you so happy with Chase?" Leo asked me. I then remembered he was here.

"Oh, um…" I couldn't think of an excuse. Leo stood up.

"You have your memories back." He said.

"No I don't." I replied. He crossed his arms over his chest.

"Just don't tell Davenport, okay?" I asked.

"Okay, I promise." He replied.

"Thank you. Now Chase, go get ready." I told him.


	5. Chapter 5

**Madison's POV**

I put my hand up to knock but didn't.

"What are you waiting for?" Chase asked me.

"You're sure this is the right address?" I asked him. He nodded.

"Yes Maddi, I'm sure. Now knock." He replied. I nodded and knocked three times and waited for an answer. A few seconds later a woman opened the door.

"Yes?" She asked.

"Hi um, are you Sophia Carter?" I asked her. She nodded.

"Did you have a daughter 16 years ago?" I asked her. My hands were shaking so I put them in my jean pockets.

"Yeah. Why?" She asked me.

"My name is Madison Kay Jameson. But on my birth certificate it says Carter. I believe you're my mother." I smiled.

"Come in. Please, come in." She said as she opened the door wider.

"Thanks." Chase smiled as he walked inside.

"Honey, who is it?" A guy asked.

"John, this is Madison. Our daughter." Sophia smiled. His eyes widened in shock.

"M-madison?" He stuttered.

"Hey." I laughed.

"Is this your boyfriend?" Sophia asked me. I looked to Chase.

"I guess." I replied. Chase nodded.

"Yeah. Yeah, he's my boyfriend," I laughed.

"I'm sorry my life is really crazy and we just got back from...vacation." I lied.

"Right. Please, come sit down. Make yourself a home." John told us. We nodded and sat on the couch.

"MOM! I'M GOING OUT WITH SOME FRIENDS!" I heard a boy yell. Chase and I exchanged glances. I saw Sophia shake her head.

"NO YOU'RE NOT! COME DOWN HERE PLEASE!" She yelled back. I saw Chase trying to hold back laughter. I slapped his arm.

"What mom?" The boy asked. He stopped when he saw Chase and I.

"Who are they?" He whispered to his mom. Thanks to our bionic hearing we could hear him.

"Madison is my daughter." Sophia told him.

"Oh, you mean?" He asked. She nodded.

"Wow." He replied awkwardly.

"Hi." I smiled.

"Hi. I'm Aspen." He replied. He looked to Chase.

"Chase Davenport." Chase smiled.

"As in Donald Davenport?" John asked him.

"Oh boy." I whispered.

"Uh, yeah." Chase laughed.

"No way! He is my favorite scientist!" John exclaimed.

"Yep, you're definitely their daughter." Chase laughed. I smacked his arm, once again, then smiled.

"Wow. Okay then. This is awkward." Apen laughed.

"Did I come at the wrong time? I can always come back another time if Aspen wants to go hang out with his friends." I said standing up.

"No!" Sophia shouted.

"I mean, no. You came at the perfect time His friends can wait." She smiled. I sat back down and Chase put his arm around my shoulder.

"So how is your dad? I remember meeting him once or twice." John said.

"Oh. He's actually, uh, dead." I replied.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't know." He said.

"It's fine." I smiled.

"So how is school?" Sophia asked me.

"Good. I managed to get my grades back on track to straight A's and my IQ is still really high." I smiled.

"And what about you Chase?" Aspen asked him.

"My grades are just like Maddi's. It's like we have the same exact amount of intelligence." He smiled.

"That's great. So Madison, how long have you lived here in Mission Creek?" John asked me.

"Well, I lived in Florida and I've been here for a little more than a year." I replied.

We all started asking each other questions and telling stories.

"We better get home before Mr. Davenport gets mad." Chase said standing up. I stood up with him. It's only 5:00, what is he planning?

"Well we wouldn't want to keep you waiting. It was nice meeting you Madison and Chase. I hope we can meet again." Sophia smiled.

"Me too." I replied.

"Bye." Aspen said and went up to his room.

"Again, thank you for everything." I told them.

"It was no problem. Come anytime." John replied. I nodded, smiled, and we walked out.


	6. Chapter 6

**Madison's POV**

"It's still early, Chase. Where are we going?" I asked him.

"You'll see." He smirked. He walked in Olive Garden.

"Are we getting dinner?" I asked him.

"Mhm. I'm taking you out on our official second first date." He smiled and kissed me.

"I love that." I replied as the waitress seated us.

"So, what did you think of your parents?" Chase asked me.

"What do _you _think of my parents?" I asked him.

"Yeah, they can be a little crazy." he laughed.

"They're just excited. They just met me, Chase." I laughed.

"Okay, that's true. But Davenport can't know we went to meet them. He would kill us." Chase replied.

"I know. So what possessed you to write in my diary?" I asked him and put my chin in my hands, staring at him.

"Uh…"

"Oh relax. I'm just teasing you. I'm glad you did it. Otherwise I may still be clueless." I smiled.

When our food came out we thanked the waitress and started eating.

"So you have to act like you still have 'amnesia' around everyone." Chase told me. He put air quotes around the word 'Amnesia'.

"Okay so, why am I going on a date with my best friend?" I asked him, acting like I have amnesia.

"Ha ha. Very funny." He replied sarcastically.

"So why can't Davenport know I have my memories back?" I asked Chase.

"Because he didn't even think twice about erasing your memories. He just did it." Chase told me.

I nodded.

"Right. And you yelled at him for what? 10 minutes?" I smirked.

"Maybe he shouldn't of erased my girlfriend's memories." He replied. I raised an eyebrow.

"My now girlfriend." He corrected.

"There ya go." I laughed.

* * *

><p>When we arrived back at the mansion he kissed my cheek.<p>

"Are you gonna try to make up with your family?" He asked me.

"Can you spend the night?" I asked.

"Fine." He gave in and we walked across the street to my house. When I walked inside I saw Bailey jump up.

"Oh thank god you're okay." She whispered while hugging me.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm going to try to tolerate you g-OW!" I yelped from Chase elbowing my side.

"Living with you guys." I said while looking at Chase. He nodded.

"Really?" Amber asked me. I nodded.

"It's not your fault you didn't tell me." I replied.

* * *

><p>When I arrived at school with the Davenports an office lady walked up to me.<p>

"Madison Jameson?" She asked me. I nodded.

"The guidance counselor wants to see you," She looked to the Davenports and Leo.

"Only you." She replied. I nodded and went in Ms. Sarah's office.

"You wanted to see me?" I asked her.

"Yes, please, have a seat." She smiled. I sat down on the couch.

"How are you doing?" She asked me.

"Fine." I replied. My phone buzzed with a text.

_Careful amnesia~Chase_

I put my phone in my backpocket.

"I was notified that you have amnesia. Am I correct?" She asked me. I nodded.

"So you don't remember anything?" She asked me.

"Nope." I lied. _All of it._

"You may go then." She smiled. I bolted out of that horrid office.

"How was it?" Chase asked me.

"Shut up." I said and smacked him playfully.

"Oh really?" He smirked and leaned in and kissed me.

* * *

><p>"Hey Maddi." Davenport smiled as I walked into the Lab.<p>

"Hi." I replied and put my backpack next to the cyberdesk. I walked to the back room, Kalina's cell.

"Hello Madison." She smirked as I stood outside her cell.

"Did you know?" I asked her.

"Know what?" She rolled her eyes.

"Don't play dumb with me, did you know I was adopted?" I asked her. She laughed.

"Of course I did." She smirked. I nodded.

"Why did you kill him?" I asked her.

"I needed you out of the way, our plan would've worked, but you just had to come back." She replied. She's weak, I can hear it in her voice.

"You're weak." I told her.

"That I am, Maddi, that I am." She replied and rested her head against the wall. I walked out of the room, only stopping when she yelled,

"ENJOY YOUR MEMORIES!"

* * *

><p>I sighed as I did my homework. I may have bionics but I am no homework lover.<p>

"What's up?" Chase asked me. I shook my head. He wrapped his arms around me from behind and rested his head on my right shoulder.

"How have you been?" He asked me.

"I hate playing amnesia." I whined. He just snickered a little.

"You have too. Just until he feels bad." he smirked. I looked up at him and kissed him.

"I love you." I whispered.

"I love you too," He smirked then quickly added,

"Little Amnesia." I threw my pencil at him. He ducked and laughed. I rolled my eyes and slammed my book shut.

* * *

><p>When I arrived at the headstone I kneeled down.<p>

"Hey Dad." I smiled. I laughed a little.

"I can't believe I'm talking to a headstone. Anyways, I just wanted to tell you that, I know. I know the truth, that I'm adopted, that I've had my bionics since I was born. I miss you, you'll always be better than my real family, because they may have created me but, you raised me, and that's a real father. We all miss you. I'm still fighting with Bailey and Amber." I told him.

I took a deep breath.

"A few months ago, you asked me if I liked Amber, I lied to you. I'm not sure if I do. Even though mom is what I call, evil, Amber is still a replacement and I don't like that. I'm thinking of cutting my hair." I laughed.

"Do you think I'd look good with short hair?" I asked the headstone. I laughed a little.

"Of course not. You've always liked my long hair, you said that it hid my scar well. But when I discovered makeup, I didn't need to use my hair, but I kept it for you. And I will keep it long." I smiled.

* * *

><p>I looked in my bathroom mirror and opened the cabinet. I grabbed the white bottle and unscrewed the cap, looking at the little white and blue pills. I grabbed two and popped them in my mouth, swallowing them. I haven't touched this bottle in a year. I put the bottle back when I heard a knock at the door.<p>

"Madison?" I heard Chase ask. I opened the door, grabbed his arm, and pulled him in the bathroom, shutting the door. I stood on my toes and kissed him.

"Hi." I smiled.

"Hi." He replied and picked me up and kissed me.


	7. Chapter 7

**Madison's POV**

"I hate sneaking around." I pouted.

"Me too. You think Leo can keep it a secret?" Chase asked me. I opened my mouth to speak but was quickly cut off with,

"CHASE! GET DOWN HERE!" Yelled by Mr. Davenport. He rolled his eyes and ran downstairs. I giggled silently to myself and turned on my TV. A few minutes later Bree barged in my room.

"I have a plan to get you and Chase to date!" She exclaimed.

"Uh…" I was about to say something but started talking again.

"The dance is coming up and that's where you guys each got your first kiss, with each other. It was so cute!" She squealed.

"Alright I'm back. We are not caught he just needed help with an-" When Chase finally looked up he saw Bree.

"Caught?" Bree asked us. Chase and I exchanged glances.

"Spill. I mean, you are sleeping over." Bree told me. Chase and I looked at each other then burst out laughing.

"What?" Bree asked us, clearly confused.

"Chase and I were trying to prank you but you ruined it." I frowned and lied. Chase caught on.

"Y-yeah. We thought Davenport caught us but false alarm. So much for the prank." Chase explained. Bree just walked out of the room and shut the door.

"Thanks." I smiled.

"No problem. It took me a minute until I realized what you were doing. Imagine if Bree knew." He replied.

"That would be bad." I laughed.

He sat on the couch next to me and watched TV with me.

* * *

><p>"DINNER!" Tasha yelled. We looked at each other then ran downstairs like our lives depended on it. Throughout dinner Chase and I exchanged glances, earning a small smile from Leo.<p>

Leo mouthed, 'Are you sure you won't get caught?' I nodded.

'They're clueless.' Chase mouthed back.

"Clueless about what?" Davenport asked. Chase, Leo, and I froze in our spots.

"The prank." Bree smirked. Chase and I sighed with relief along with Leo.

"Don't you dare pull another prank." Tasha scolded. We nodded.

"Got it." We replied in sync.

* * *

><p>(1 Month Later)<p>

**Madison's POV **"_Chase, there's more security guards coming. I need help fighting them off." I told him as I kept watch. No one knows that Chase and I are dating or that I have my memories back besides Leo._

_"Okay, one minute." He replied._

_"Chase, last time there was one minute left on a download I had to kill someone. Never tell me one minute on a mission." I snapped._

_"Geez. Sorry. Okay, hang on." He replied. I saw five guys come running towards us. I created a force field ball and threw it. I watched as the purple ball of electricity knocked them over. More came. I focused and I could feel the electricity flowing through me. I zapped them and they fell to the ground._

_I turned around to face Chase._

_"HURRY UP!" I yelled. Suddenly a huge group of men came running in._

_"Download complete!" Chase yelled. He put the flash drive in is pocket and started help me fight them. We were running out when I felt a searing pain in my stomach. I stopped and looked at it to see blood pouring out. I saw black and grey dots as Chase became blurry. I heard someone yell my name before everything went dark._

* * *

><p>I opened my eyes and I was in a cold sweat. I stepped out of my capsule and walked downstairs. I saw Brad sleeping on the couch.<p>

"Kicked you out huh?" I asked him.

"How'd you know I was awake?" He asked me. I shrugged.

"Your breathing wasn't steady." I replied. He nodded.

"Yeah, she kicked me off. I kind of offended her." He replied.

"What'd you say to piss her off?" I asked him.

"I insulted her outfit." He mumbled. I did a spit take and burst out laughing.

"That's why she kicked you out of the room and made you sleep on the couch?" I asked him.

"I've learned never to insult girls." He shook his head.

"Have fun with the couch even though we have 10 guest rooms." I told him and went back upstairs.

* * *

><p>I walked over to the Davenport mansion for training. I got in my mission suit for training and waited for everyone. Chase walked in first. He gave me a quick peck on the lips.<p>

"Hi." I smiled.

"Hey." he replied and kissed me again, me smiling into the kiss.

"What are we doing for training today?" I asked him.

"I have no idea. Davenport wouldn't tell us." He shrugged. I nodded. He went up behind me and hugged me.

"BUSTED!" We heard someone yell. Chase jumped back and hit the cyber desk.

"What the hell?" I asked. Suddenly Davenport appeared.

"I really hate your invisibility cloak." I told him and threw the water bottle at him.

"I knew something was going on between you two." He smirked.

"Yep. You caught us." I deadpanned. Chase snickered and I glared at him, causing him to shut up.

"So, how long have you had your memories back?" Davenport asked me.

"A little more than a month. To be more specific, the day I found out I was adopted." I smirked and crossed my arms over my chest.


	8. Chapter 8

**Madison's POV**

When I arrived at school with Leo and the Davenports plus Alli I walked straight to my locker.

"I haven't talked to you in a long while." I heard Luke say.

"I might've been busy with my life." I replied and turned around.

"Mhm." He rolled his eyes. I heard the bell ring.

"Gotta go." I smiled and ran off to class.

* * *

><p>On my way out of school I felt like someone was following me. I stopped and turned around. I shrugged and kept walking until I felt a hand cover my mouth. I tried screaming but it didn't work. There was a cloth over my mouth and nose and I accidentally breathed it in. Next thing I knew I blacked out.<p>

I woke up in a cell. I stood up and was greeted by the sight if Douglas and Amanda.

"What do you want?" I snarled.

"I see you have your memories back." Douglas smirked.

"You killed your clone. I thought he raised you better." Amanda said. I started to run over to her to slap her but I couldn't get past a certain spot.

"Electric wall." Douglas told me.

"What do you want?" I repeated.

"Oh nothing. I just want my kids back but you're in the way." Douglas replied.

"We also want Kalina back." Krane added.

"I don't have her." I told him.

"Then you will be the cause if Bailey's death. Just like you are for your father's." Amanda smirked.

"He wasn't my father and you know it." I whispered.

"So you did find out." Douglas replied.

"Just remember, you don't want to have Bailey end up like Spencer." Amanda told me.

"Don't you dare mention him." I snarled.

"I just did." She replied and walked out.

_"__Spencer, have you ever kissed someone?" I asked my best friend._

_"No. You?" He asked. I shook my head._

_"I wish." I whispered._

_"We're in 8th grade. Maybe it's fine if we haven't kissed anyone." He smiled._

_"I guess you're right." I replied and looked up at the stars. We had both snuck out from our houses to meet up. We're best friends. I heard a car pull up._

_"It's midnight. Who would be here?" I asked him._

_"Did your sister find out?" he asked me._

_"She's at a sleepover." I whispered._

_Suddenly a car door slammed and I felt a gun at the back of my head._

_"Spencer?" I asked, tears forming in my eyes._

_"Madison, don't move." he whispered._

_"Not smart kid." A voice said. I started tearing up. Spencer got out his pocket knife._

_"Haven't you ever heard the saying, 'don't bring a knife to a gunfight'?" The guy asked him. Spencer lunged at him, but he pulled the gun away from me and shot Spencer._

_"NO!" I screamed and ran over to Spencer's side._

_"Please hold on." I told him as I stroked his hair. The guy took off._

_"Maddi." he whispered._

_"Sh." I whispered._

_"I love you." he whispered and closed his eyes._

_"NO! Don't close your eyes! I need you!" I yelled. I sobbed into his chest. A few minutes later the cops showed up._

"It was all my fault." I whispered. Amanda has already left and I slid down the wall. I looked at my watch and saw it's been 4 hours.

* * *

><p><strong>Chase's POV<br>**"Madison should've been home by now." I told Bree.

"Maybe she's held up somewhere." She shrugged.

"Last time this happened she got hit by a car." I told her.

"So track her watch." Bree told me.

"What?" I asked. Bree looked up.

"Mr. Davenport put a tracker in her watch." She replied in a 'duh' type of tone. I walked over to the cyber desk and clicked on her GPS.

"Why would she be- oh no." I whispered.

"What?" Bree asked me.

"Douglas has her." I replied.


	9. Chapter 9

**Madison's POV  
><strong>I hit the wall repeatedly and nothing happened except for my knuckles bleeding. Maybe New York wasn't such a bad idea. I started to think about Spencer. He was my first crush. Right after I became friends with Luke I met Spencer and we became best friends. I got up and focused all of my energy on the electric wall, using my electricity I threw an electric ball at it, hoping to fry to panel that's somewhere. The wall glitched a little and I ran out of the cell before it could go back to normal. I stormed into the main part of the warehouse. I jumped up on the ceiling beam and climbed the ladder to the roof. I was greeted by the sight of Bree and Chase.

"You're okay." Chase whispered and hugged me. He quickly pulled away when he got shocked.

"Sorry." I whispered and let a tear fall from my face. I turned off the app and ran home.

* * *

><p>I need to flee again or something. When I made it back to the Jameson Mansion I went straight up to my room. Christmas time is coming up. I'm not in the most cheeriest mood. I sighed and wrote in my diary then put it away. I'm losing myself and it's not good. I quickly changed and went down for dinner. I started setting the table but stopped when I heard three extra voices. I walked out of the kitchen and in the living room and saw Sophia, John, and Aspen.<p>

"Oh, hey Madison." Sophia smiled. My eyes widened in shock. I looked at my reflection in the mirror and remembered I hadn't used makeup to cover up my scar.

* * *

><p><em>I grabbed Spencer's pocket knife and chased off the guy. He had a knife of his own and swung, cutting under my eye. I staggered backwards and threw the knife at him. He ducked and ran. I walked over to the knife and picked it up and put it in my pocket. It's the only thing of Spencer that I have left.<em>

* * *

><p>I ran to my room and quickly put some makeup on the scar and ran back downstairs.<p>

"What was that about?" Aspen asked me.

"What?" I asked him and took a bite of my steak.

"The running back upstairs," he studied my face.

"I swear, I thought I saw a scar under your right eye." He told me.

"I don't have a scar." I whispered.

"Well, not on your face. On your chest and side you do." Bailey replied.

"Bailey!" I hissed. Aspen, Sophia, and John looked at me.

"She's just kidding." I laughed nervously. They nodded and started eating. I looked at Sophia's drink and noticed more ice cubes than before. I just shook my head and pushed my food around my plate.

"So how was your day?" Sophia asked me. I shrugged.

"Crazy." I mumbled.

"How's band?" Aspen asked me.

"You didn't tell me you're in band." Sophia smiled. I nodded.

"First chair, honors band." I replied. The lights started flickering. I looked down to the floor so they can't see my eyes.

"Calm down." Bailey whispered so quiet that I barely heard it. I focused and the lights stopped.

"Must've been something with the generator." Amber smiled. They all nodded and continued eating.


	10. Chapter 10

**So this is the last chapter of 'If I Lose Myself'. I know it's a shorter story than normal but I really need to start 'A Little Bit Stronger' soon. I hope ya'll enjoyed it so far. I'm planning on maybe 10 stories in the 'Secrets' series if I can keep getting ideas. Yes, I'm aware that the stories have been getting more boring and losing viewers but I've been busy. Tomorrow is All County and even though I know I won't make it because I'm playing my 7 scales 1 octave I still want to do good so I've been practicing.**

* * *

><p>I was in my room when I saw lightning shoot out towards the lamp and shatter it. I let out a small scream and stood up, jumping off of the couch. The door burst open and I saw Aspen.<p>

"Are you okay?" He asked me. I nodded and held my hand to my chest.

"Maddi, what's wrong?" he asked me and started walking towards me.

"Don't come any closer." I told him. He saw my eyes.

"What's going on? Maddi?" he asked and grabbed my arm. I yanked it back.

"Please, I don't want to hurt you." I whispered.

"Madison, what is going on?" Aspen asked me. I jumped off of the couch and ran out of the mansion. I didn't stop until I got to the waterfall.

* * *

><p>I woke up to the sun rising. I opened my eyes and took in my surroundings. Then it all came back to me. I saw my reflection in the water. My eyes were flowing with electricity, my hair was covered in snowflakes. It didn't make any sense. Then I realized I forgot about my element powers.<p>

I walked back to my house and Aspen hugged me when I walked inside. I immediately pulled away.

"You're not gonna hurt me." he whispered.

"I can't take that risk." I replied. I saw Adam, Bree, and Chase on the couch.

"Maddi, Aspen told us what happened." Adam told me. I nodded.

"I should've told you." I replied.

"We can train with you." Chase replied. I shook my head.

"You're gonna be fine." Bree told me. Adam walked closer to me. I backed away.

"Stay away. Please. I don't want to hurt you." I told them.

"Madison, calm down." Chase replied. Suddenly electricity shot out if my fingers and hit the chandelier, causing it to fall on Adam.

"ADAM!" I shrieked.

"I'm fine." he replied as he pushed it off of him.

"I-I need to go." I whispered and ran out of the mansion. As I walked, anything that uses electricity flashed and glitched around me.

* * *

><p>After an hour of walking I walked down to the Lab and saw Leo typing on the cyber desk.<p>

"I need your help." I told Leo.

"What is it?" He asked me.

"I need you to take away my bionics." I told him.

"Madison, I can't do that." He replied.

"Then deactivate them. Do whatever you can. I don't want them anymore." I replied and let a tear slip down my cheek. He nodded.

"I'll deactivate them. I can't do anything else because you've had them your whole life and I don't know what will happen." he replied.

"Just, do whatever you can." I whispered. He nodded and pulled up my bionic chip file. I saw a red button that said, _Deactivate Bionics_. he clicked it and I saw the words, **Bionics Deactivated **flash across my vision.

"It's done." he told me.

"Thank you." I gave him a small smile and walked out.

* * *

><p>I was walking across the street when I saw Sophia, with her eyes flowing with electricity.<p>

"You're bionic?" I asked her. She smiled and shook her head.

"No Madison, we have powers. You have electricity and the elements. Those aren't bionic abilities." She explained. I looked at the ground below me and saw the sidewalk covered in ice.

"What's happening?" I asked her.


	11. Author's Note

**So I went to All County Auditions last night and I messed up on my scales but did good on my lyrical and sight reading. It's over now and 'A Little Bit Stronger' should be up on Friday. I now have an updating schedule. **

**'A Little Bit Stronger' every Tuesday and Friday**

**and my story on FictionPress is**

**'Bad Boy Meets Good Girl' every Wednesday**

**Thanks,**

** Kay**


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